I heard we made out
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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