Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
