nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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