I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
