guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My ATM looks so different sober.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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