Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
