New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
