I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
