It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
