Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
