Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
