Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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