did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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