just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
