That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
