Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
