life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
