yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
