I faked an abortion last night.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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