I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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