Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
