Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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