Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
