So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
