Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
