He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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