i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
