And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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