ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
