just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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