dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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