planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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