I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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