this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
