Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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