Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
