dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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