I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
