Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
