And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
so much tequila, so little girl.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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