Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
