i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
