How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
