my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I am midnight drunk by noon
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
