clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
