If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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