I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
