after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
