That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
