So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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