is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
